


wonderwall | f.h.

by bitchyfivey



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Allison Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Diego Hargreeves is Bad at Feelings, F/M, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Lesbian Vanya Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves Being an Asshole, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Soft Luther Hargreeves, Sparrow Academy Student Ben Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:41:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29324865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchyfivey/pseuds/bitchyfivey
Summary: "I don't care what you think I am." // "I think that you do."In which the Sparrow falls in love with the Umbrella.disclaimer!!!i only own the Gwen and her/their origins, nothing else![ the umbrella academy s3 ][ started: 02.09.2021 ][ ended: - ]for the five simps all around the globe :)
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Original Character(s)
Kudos: 5





	1. WHO THE HELL ARE THESE ASSHOLES?

**GWEN** ****

**(------)**

**"WHEN WILL** you ever learn, Number Eight? You have to practice and use your powers for good, for saving the world! Not for mischief and skipping lessons," Dad lectured seriously, sitting at his desk with a notebook in his face. He brought it down to glare at me, to which I responded with a roll of my eyes and flashing a sarcastic smile. "This is no laughing matter, so I don't see why you cannot take this seriously."

I snorted, "It's hard to take it seriously when the world clearly doesn't need saving. Plus, everyone else uses their powers the way they want; I don't see you lecturing them. I'm not a mother, but I'm pretty sure that's bad parenting, Reggie."

"Your attitude is intolerable, Number Eight. You must respect your elders!" he roared, slamming his book down. The sound made me jump a bit, and it made me look up at the old bastard. I could see the veins popping out of his already pink face and the fire in his eyes. 

Whenever Dad yelled, it usually meant that something was getting on his nerves. Just to be clear: it's me, I'm something. It's a bit scary to see him this angry, but I've grown used to it since I'm on his nerves every second of the day. When he's annoyed, he usually clenches his jaw and growls at whoever he's speaking to. But with me, he's popping veins and turning as red as a tomato every ten minutes. It's getting old, really, but some days it scares the hell out of me, like today. He's never gotten this angry over something as small as skipping training.

I don't even use my powers, and I don't need them. So why do I need to train?

"Can I go now?" I sighed with a bored tone, crossing my arms in annoyance. "I _really_ want to finish this book I've been reading."

Dad huffed in irritation, "Yes. And you are not to leave the academy under any circumstance, or else you'll be locked in the basement."

I nodded and exited through the sliding door, muttering an “ _Aye-aye, captain”_ under my breath, but loud enough for Dad to hear. He growled in response, which made my lips tug up into a smirk as I closed the door and skipped my way down the hall. As I made my way towards the staircase, I passed by a room with the door ajar. I didn't pay it much mind until I heard a voice come from inside of it.

"That was a pretty nice conversation you had with Dad, hm?"

I stopped walking, and I turned my head a bit, my eyes lying on my least favorite sibling. And yes, I have a least favorite, even though they all suck. _Ben_. I rolled my eyes and continued on my way down to the kitchen, where I was going to make myself a cup of coffee and steal one of Sloane's brownies. I had hoped to get there without a fuss, but Ben had decided to get up and follow me all the way down, just to piss me off.

By the way, it did.

"I'm sorry," I spoke up, whipping my head towards my egotistical brother halfway down the stairs. "Did you need something?"

"Nope, just making my way downstairs," he replied, plastering the most sarcastic, blood-boiling smile he could manage. It was infuriating.

Holding in my groan, I started skipping steps while going down, hoping to get the message across that I didn't want to be bothered at the moment. As soon as I approached the living room, the ground started to rumble a bit, making me slow down and look through the doorway. There was no one there, and yet the rumbling intensified. I yelped as I lost my balance and fell onto the ground, Ben a few feet away from me. We made eye contact, both our eyes as wide as saucers.

Ben was the one to start the conversation. "The hell is going on?" he asked frantically, his tone frightened and anxious. It would’ve made me laugh if I wasn’t feeling the same. 

"How should I know? I'm not clairvoyant!" I yelled back, rolling away as fast as possible as a painting nearly crashed on top of me. I leaped into the closest chair, curling into a ball and covering my head with my arms.

I heard the rest of my siblings screaming from all around the house, everyone yelling to take cover and stay safe. Marcus was the only one to remind everyone to stay safe, though. No one else seemed to care about each other. 

That's unsurprising, to be honest—selfish bastards.

When the violent earthquake finally came to a stop, my siblings all peeked their heads out of their hiding places and stared at each other with confused and relieved expressions. Marcus, Sloane, and Jayme came into my view and silently asked if I was okay. They were always the only people in the academy that cared about me-- even if it was only in the slightest. I nodded at them and returned the question, to which they replied with the same answer I gave them.

I snapped my head towards the sound of cheering in the lobby and lifted my head higher to see who was there. A group of people, whom neither me nor my siblings recognized, were smiling and entering the room as if they lived here. _What the hell?_ I sat up as straight as possible and observed them, watching as they skipped over the rest of the academy and me.

There was a man with oily hair that reached his shoulders that reminded me of Dora the Explorer, with about a dozen knives on him. I was probably exaggerating, but he had _a lot_ of knives. I'm going to call him _Dora_. The second person that came in was a tall man with light brown hair and arms at least twice as big as The Rock's. He looked so relieved to be here. Why? I have no clue. This place sucks more than he could ever comprehend. I'll call him... _Clueless Apeman_.

I saw the first woman that walked in (thank god the group wasn't just men, no offense to the other males out there), and she looked like she could be a model or an actress. I don't know what to call her yet, though. Maybe... _the Model_. Another man walked in looking like a _1960s Jesus_ , so I'm _definitely_ calling him that. The second woman to walk in was slightly shorter than the rest, and her eyes were a bit sad— _sad girl_. The last person to walk in was a tiny man that I hadn't seen the face of yet. His name is still pending.

"Guys," Dora spoke, sounding amused yet genuinely concerned. Jesus, that man had a crap ton of knives. "Why is there a painting of Ben over the mantelpiece?"

I couldn't help but snort loudly, which made all of their heads snap in my direction. Realizing that I'd brought attention to myself, I decided to climb out of the chair and plop onto the couch casually, as if nothing had just occurred, while they stared at me.

"Wow, I never thought Ben of all people would be popular. He's a grade-A jackass," I started, laughing to myself. The situation was humorous, no matter my sibling’s bemused and nervous appearances. "But I guess society loves that. Hey, Tentacles, I think I have an idea for your future career!"

I heard a hiss from behind me. "Lynn, what are you doing?"

I turned to look at Ben, who was showing a fragment of his face. I rolled my eyes. "What do you think I'm doing, Benny boy? I'm greeting our guests. This should be your job, since they're your fans," I replied casually as if this had been my job: to welcome strangers into our lovely home. Ben flipped me off in retaliation to my comments.

The tiny man-- no, _teenager_ \-- in a uniform started to speak up. "And who are you, exactly?"

"Who am I? I feel like I should be asking you that question," I countered with a chuckle, looking at the boy directly in the eye. "You know. Since you and your gang of weirdos just walked in here like you owned the place. Your parents know you're rocking with the knockoff suicide squad?"

He glared at me with intense fury, as if I had said the most offensive thing in the world. I probably did, but since I don't know him, who cares? I have some names for him, now that I've seen his face and how he acts. Maybe... Brat? Or Anger issues? I don't know. I’m terrible at coming up with names. Although I have to say, the last ones I came up with are excellent, if I do say so myself.

"That's enough out of you, Number Eight," Dad's voice rang throughout the room, cutting me off at the last word. He emerged from his teal chair from across the room and spoke to the weird people. "I knew you'd show up eventually."

Wait, he knew them? I looked to Marcus for help, but he had the same bewildered expression on his face. I didn't bother looking to Ben since he wouldn't give me the time of day for anything except criticism. Jackass.

"Dad," The greasy-haired man spoke again just above a whisper, his eyes becoming the size of saucepans; he was so shocked.

Then, the clueless ape-man whispered, "You're alive."

I held in my laugh and replaced it with a soft “ _Unfortunately”_ that I said under my breath. Dad glared at me as he spoke his next words.

"Why shouldn't I be?" he inquired with raised eyebrows.

"You're right, I'm just happy that we're home and... together again," the ape-man stammered, eyes flickering around the room and resembling remembrance.

Home? Together? ... _Again_? This is all surprising news to me, considering I have not seen these people once before in my life. That’s understandable, though, as I’m rarely let outside, anyway.

"Home? This isn't your home," Dad frowned, blinking profusely, his face plastered in a befuddled manner.

The model spoke next. "What are you talking about? This is the Umbrella Academy."

I bit my bottom lip to prevent myself from laughing at the name, trying my hardest to keep my cool as this conversation went on. Umbrella Academy? And who are we, the cast of Rihanna's music video? Where are the cameras? Because this has to be a joke. Now I know what to call our model: Rihanna, if you didn’t get the memo.

"Wrong again, this is the Sparrow Academy."

Ben decided to reveal himself like I did, standing right behind the couch where I was sitting. He gave me a small glare as I turned my head to look at him like the rest of this ‘Umbrella Academy’ was doing. I simply gave him an innocent smile back, knowing that he was pissed at what I said about him earlier. Eh, I'll deal with it later. Dealing with Ben required energy, which I did not have at the moment.

"Dad, who the hell are these assholes?" Ben finally spoke after our mini staring contest, wearing the same face the rest of us- The Sparrow Academy- had on.

For once in a very long time, my brother and I were on the same page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first chapter! i know it's short, but i just wanted to get the first one out of the way so i could get on with the story.  
> i'll try to write longer chapters in the future.  
> ~cee cee <3


	2. WE DON'T HAVE ROOM FOR ANY MORE UMBRELLAS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the Umbrella Academy, part 2.

**GWEN**

**(------)**

**"SHIT,"** chorused all the weirdos.

Everyone else camping out upstairs came rushing down at Dad's command, forming a line in order by our numbers. I chose to stay on the couch since I technically don't count as a Sparrow. I'm certainly not treated as one; I’m barely treated as an equal. I started to observe the weirdos in black-- their postures, the way they looked at all of us, any and every piece of information I could get from just gazing at them. 

Currently, I was staring at the 60s Jesus, who was standing behind the boy who had an attitude. He looked like he had a thick wall put up, but anyone could break through it with one sentence. I was so lost in focus that I didn't even realize what was happening until Ben smacked my shoulder.

"Number Eight, stand up," Dad grumbled in his usual tone.

I scoffed to myself and stood up, standing next to Christopher. I mumbled under my breath, "Oh, so I'm an equal now? It isn't Christmas, but it sure is a fucking miracle. One step into better parenting!"

Dad stopped in his tracks and gave me a bewildered look. "Excuse me?"

"Yes, daddy dearest?" I plastered on a fake smile. I watched as he clenched his jaw so tight that his veins started to pop out again. He chose not to yell at me this time and inhaled sharply before turning back to the Umbrellas. Speaking of, they were staring at us with disbelief, confusion, and amusement.

I felt something poke me in the side where Christopher the Cube was, and I frowned. I looked down at what was stabbing me in my rib and saw a piece of paper floating there. I wrapped my fingers around the parchment and glanced up at everyone else. They were all paying attention to Dad, so I tried to open the paper as quietly as possible. I succeeded, scanning the page.

_'Stop pissing Dad off. You’ll just make it worse for yourself. -Chris'_

I glanced at the cube that I called my brother with an eyebrow raised, knowing that he could see my reaction. I leaned my head towards him and whispered, "It's already too late, but thanks for looking out for me."

I turned my attention back to the conversation before me, but I didn't tune into what was happening. Something else caught my attention. Or someone, really. The teenage brat in the uniform that looks extremely familiar to mine was staring at me with curiosity. I slightly tilted my head and raised an eyebrow that said, _'What are you staring at?’_ he rolled his eyes. I scoffed and did the same, deciding to observe him next, starting from his slightly scuffed up dress shoes and up to his hair that looked like he put too much effort into styling. It was his turn to raise an eyebrow. I shrugged in response.

"I want all of you out." Dad's words turned my attention back to him, a frown forming on my face. The entire group started protesting, but Dad wasn't having it. "This isn't a hotel you can stay in. I am demanding that you leave."

"But we're your children," the sad-girl countered, a bit of a hurt expression on her face. It seemed like Dad had hurt them before, probably damaged _her_ the most.

"Not in this timeline. Now, get out before I have to escort you myself,” snarled Dad, starting to fume with a tad bit of rage.

I took this as an opportunity to piss Dad off even more, even though Christopher advised me not to. I couldn't help it, not with him. He doesn't deserve to be respected; he doesn't even respect his own kids.

"Sorry guys," I added on. "We don't have room for any more umbrellas. Our closet's chock full. But the good news is, you'll be okay if it rains!" Some of them glared at me as I spoke, but I didn't mind: I usually have that effect on everyone. I smiled regardless.

"Number Eight! You're being very disrespectful," Dad snapped at me as my remark only added to his fury.

I chortled a bit. "Sorry, I was just treating them like you did, but on a slightly nicer level,” I mentioned, leaning back and forward from the balls of my feet to my heels cheekily.

"I've had enough of you. If you don't behave, you'll be sent downstairs. Now get out of my sight," Dad growled furiously.

"Okay, sorry, geez." I raised my hands in surrender with an amused smile on my face, skipping towards the staircase as everyone stared at me. The only person that seemed the most interesting to stare back at was that boy, who was staring intensely now. I passed by him as I reached the stairs and decided to speak my first words to him. Loudly.

"Do you like the view, or are you just that creepy?"

His cheeks instantly twinged pink before he started to glare at me, in which I giggled softly to myself as I skipped a few steps while climbing the stairs. Before I turned the corner, I noticed he was still glaring at me, so I gave him a playful wink before racing off to my room.

**THE NEXT MORNING**

**(------)**

I woke up to the growling of my stomach since Dad didn't let me eat dinner last night. _Sick bastard_. Glancing over at my alarm clock that hasn't gone off yet, I realized that it was barely 6 am. Since there was enough natural light, I walked over to my windowsill where my book was, swiping it up and sitting down, opening the book to prepare to read. Before I could even finish the first paragraph, a weird sensation filled my chest. Like someone was staring at me. Weird, right? I turned to look out the window, hoping to find the creepy culprit, but no one was there. Shaking it off, I decided to continue reading my book.

Not even 20 minutes later, the sensation remained, and it was entirely unsettling. I huffed but didn't bother looking around, knowing that it'll just frustrate me. Closing my book, I decided to get ready for the day and read later. I strolled over to my closet, pulled out the black uniform, took it off the coat-hanger, and tossed it onto my bed.

"One day closer to death," I muttered sarcastically, going through my daily routine. “Death, my sweet prince, if you can hear me, take me now!”

Since I didn't feel like speaking to anyone today, I sneaked down into the kitchen. Rummaging through the cabinets, I finally found Ben's coffee stash. He needs to up his hiding game; they’re always too easy to find. Smirking as I pulled it out, I set it onto the counter and started the coffee maker. While it was brewing, I pulled out the brownies that I wasn't able to eat yesterday, noticing that half of the container was gone. I guess my siblings ate some last night. And they didn't even give me any. 

Assholes.

I popped the lid off and took out two brownies, closing the container back up and setting it back into the fridge. I quickly swiped up a plate and slapped the brownies down before bouncing over to the hiding spot where Jayme hid her joints. Smoking is terrible, but it makes your problems go away. I swiped one from the hole in the shelf, mentally noting that I’ll have to pay my sister back later. A faint _whoosh_ echoed through the silent room, making my body tense.

When I turned back to the counter, I stared around frantically for whoever was in the room. No one was there, but I noticed that one of Sloane's brownies was missing. Before I could even take a step in the direction, I heard the faint whooshing sound again. And again. Like someone was traveling in and out of the room. What the fuck? I moved back toward my plate and coffee, pretending to fiddle with something (in case the stalker was still watching me) as I focused on my senses. I closed my eyes and imagined feeling the presence of another person. It's how my powers worked.

Inhaling deeply, I felt my aura float around the room, searching for anyone who was within a ten feet radius. I felt the vibrations and frequencies of the objects around me, my powers vibrating with them. I felt the imbalance of the kitchen table, the soft rumbling of the coffee maker, the humming of the fridge. My abilities were like a drug-- everything felt like how I feel when I'm high, it feels... euphoric, in a way. It was like a soft buzzing that people feel when they're intoxicated.

Every time I tapped my fingers onto the counter, I felt a jolt of vibration travel through the bones of my hands. It helped me to relax and focus on the task ahead of me. I started to fall into a meditative state, where I could only focus on my surroundings. It was similar to being able to tap into every sound and tremor that I could reach within my mind. Damn, I should do this more often.

The buzzing stopped instantly when I felt the pumping of blood rushing through someone's veins. This is a weird thing to know, even for me, but I know what all of my siblings' auras feel like; I even know Dad's and Pogo's. But this one-- this one was different. Interesting, strange, and more addicting than any aura I've felt before. The aura belonged to someone who didn't belong here. It had to be one of the members of that stupid Umbrella Academy that Dad knew. It was someone shorter than the others, more serious. More... conflicted. And that's when it hit me.

It was the brat.

The bratty little boy who was staring at me like a creep yesterday.

I turned around to find him sitting on the kitchen table with a smirk on his tiny little face. His hand slowly trailed up to his mouth, and I watched as the brunet ate the brownie that I had taken out for myself. The disappearing bastard was eating my brownie. _My_ brownie.

"Well, hello there, Number Eight," the boy smirked, sliding off the table and plopping onto his feet. "Nice to see that you've finally noticed me. Took you long enough."


	3. REBEL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five and Gwen have their first little conversation :)

**GWEN**

**(------)**

**"SO YOU'RE** the one that's been stalking me? You officially just got weirder," I muttered irritably, rolling my eyes and observing him cautiously. "And you’ve admitted to doing it, which makes this entire situation a bit nerve-wracking. What do you want from me?"

The boy scrunched up his nose in distaste. "I'm not some pedophile, alright? I _loathe_ pedophiles,” he apprised, putting on an affronted expression.

"And yet here you are, acting exactly like one at six in the morning," I scoffed, pivoting on my heels once I heard the beeping that announced the coffee was ready. Giving him a side glance, I noticed that he was watching me as well. He stared with a thoughtful look on his face, his head tilted and his brows furrowed in frustration, accompanied by a slight frown. I mirrored him, absentmindedly reaching for the cabinet with the mugs inside of them. "The hell are you staring at?" I chided, looking him up and down as if to check for knives that the Dora man from yesterday had.

"The air," he stated sardonically, narrowing his eyes into his usual glare. I plainly wondered if I would come to know that expression: it would be horrid if I did. It was easy to want rid of the boy-prowler.

"Oh? Cause it seemed like you were staring at _me_ ,” I recalled, rapping my fingers on the counter in the hope to be annoying.

He scoffed loudly. "As if."

I held back my retort about him sounding like Cher Horowitz from Clueless and pulled a mug down from the cabinets, stepping back towards the coffee pot. The boy seemed to survey my movements as I poured the coffee, and the longing for it flashed behind his eyes. Once again, I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing. Why am I choosing to hold back my tongue now? If this were one of my siblings, I'd be spitting insults at him like fireballs. 

"You never answered my question." I suddenly broke the silence. His expression went from calm to bemused, obviously pondering what I had asked him. I rolled my eyes. "You never told me why you were here, dumbass."

The boy sighed deeply, shifting his position uncomfortably. I couldn’t decide whether it was good or bad that I was making him uneasy because perhaps if I made him unsettled, he would leave… God, I hoped that was the case.

"Unfortunately, I'm here because I need your help,” he admitted, his tone showing that he was annoyed with the request for a favor.

This time, I let out my chuckle. "And what makes you think I'd help _you_?"

"Because I asked?" He mumbled, his statement coming out as a question.

"Even if you said 'pretty please, with a cherry on top,’ my answer wouldn't change. We don't know each other." I took a sip of my coffee and grabbed my plate, swiftly moving past him and sitting down at the table. I made another mental note to clean the table because who knows where that kid's ass has been. The brunet slid into the seat next to me, his entire body facing my direction.

He extended his arm slightly and started to speak. "Okay, then. My name is Five. Five Hargreeves. What's yours?"

"My name is Fuck You; I’m Not Helping," I smiled innocently, slapping his hand down, immensely agitated. I turned back to my coffee, taking a long, drawled out sip before adding, "Go bother someone stupid enough to help you."

Five-- ugh, I finally learned that brat's name-- huffed angrily but disappeared nonetheless. I smiled to myself, knowing that he was pissed. I happily finished my brownie and coffee, placing the items into the sink and practically sprinting up the stairs, Jayme's weed in my pajama pocket. Sliding through my door and shutting it, I flopped onto my bed and ignored the clothes at the end of my bed. I exhaled slowly and closed my eyes, deciding to let my alarm clock wake me up this time.

**NO ONE**

**(------)**

When the clock struck 8 am, Gwendolyn's alarm clock started blaring, making her groan loudly and slam her hand on top of it. She rubbed her eyes groggily, and the memories of what happened between her and that brat named Finn-- no, Five-- came flooding back. She pushed those events to the back of her mind and rolled out of bed, dragging her feet into the bathroom, preparing for a nice, long shower.

When she had come out, she started playing her favorite song, Little Dark Age by MGMT, on her vinyl, and she began to bob her head to the music. The brunette started to change into her uniform, grabbing her hairbrush and pulling it through her damp hair. After going through half of her head, she changed the song to Jenny by Studio Killers and started the other side. She started to sing along to the words, smiling to herself as she didn't mess up the lyrics. When the chorus started playing, she sang louder and started dancing. What she didn't realize was that a soft whoosh sounded. The music covered it.

" _I wanna ruin our friendship_ ," Gwen sang in her own tone, sliding towards her tie that was left on her vanity." _We should be lovers instead. I don't know how to--_ " She spun around and walked right into her unexpected visitor and let out a blood-curdling scream. The teenager smacked the boy in the face with her brush as hard as possible, making him yell out in pain.

Five glared at the girl, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Wh- what's wrong with _me_? What the fuck is wrong with you? You just fucking appeared in here as if someone invited you," The girl hissed loud enough for the brunet in front of her. She took a deep breath and mentally told herself to calm down. She looked back up at Five, who was still lightly rubbing his jaw for comfort.

"I still need your help, Eight--" groaned Five, grimacing in pain.

Gwen scowled at the name, crossing her arms in a heavily annoyed manner. "Oh God, please don't call me that. My name's Gwendolyn-- Gwen, for short. But my answer's still no. I still don't know you. I’m not going to help someone who shows up randomly in my bedroom and that I know nothing about."

"Are you fuckin--" Five sighed, stopping himself from saying something rude. _Since when has he done that?_ "Look, you know my name. How about we ask each other questions to get to know each other?" he suggested, doing his best to sound hopeful and genuine.

"Fine. I'll start. Why do you want my help so badly? You seem like the type of kid to do things yourself. You seem like the responsible one out of your band of emotionally unstable weirdos.” Gwen clicked her tongue impatiently, tapping her foot on the ground.

"First of all, you and your family are just as weird as us,” reminded Five, and Gwen merely rolled her eyes and brushed the comment off. “Secondly, I’m not a kid. And to answer your question, you seem like someone who’d rebel, someone who'd kill to defy Dad. I figured we could kill two birds with one stone. You get to piss Dad off, and I can get me and my family home."

"Okay... Your turn to ask a question."

"Why are you my age? Well, physically." The music was long gone by now, but neither had realized. If they had, they’d also realize the footsteps approaching the outside of Gwen’s room. And how the footsteps doubled.

"I... I'm not great at dealing with my emotions, and my powers get out of control. So, Dad sorta did some experiment on me that slowed my aging when I was 6," Gwen hesitantly answered, looking out her window. "How old are you? If you're not fourteen?"

Five sucked in a sharp breath. "I'm fifty-nine. What are your powers?"

"I'm not telling you. What are yours?" The shuffling feet outside came to a stop right in front of Gwen’s door, but still, no one noticed.

"Fair enough. I can teleport and time travel, hence the teenage body. Why do you keep refusing to help me?" _I've suffered enough social interaction,_ he thought.

Gwen snorted, hearing what he thought. "Because you're an egotistical bastard who appeared in my family's living room and stalked me. Plus, you ate my food."

"I wouldn't call a brownie food."

"Whatever. Are you a coffee addict?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"Coffee basically runs through my veins. What exactly do you need help with?"

Five paused, pondering the question. "Finding out what happened between your dad and your mom, and see if that's what's screwing with the timeline." Then, maybe my family and I can fix it."

"What mom? We never had a mom," Gwen frowned. "Did you guys have one? That doesn't count as my question, by the way. But damn, these timelines really need to step their game up."

"Yeah, we did," the boy answered, a fragment of a smile forming on his face. The expression disappeared faster than it had appeared. "She must be the reason why your dad adopted you instead of us."

"Okay, my actual question. How badly did Dad hurt you guys? Emotionally, I mean."

"What?"

"I saw the hatred in your eyes when you were looking at Dad, but you weren't just mad because he hurt you. You looked pissed at him for everything that he did to both you and your siblings."

"An observer," Five nodded a bit as if it finally clicked in his head. Gwen let her eyes roll at his discovery, muttering a " _wow, what a shocking revelation_ ," which caused him to glare at her for a bit. "I mean, it depends on who you ask, but he fucked all of us up pretty bad. Final question. Will you help me or not?"

Gwendolyn thought long and hard at what she was being offered. The boy-- or, old man-- was offering her a chance to piss Dad off so badly, that his head would actually burst. But then again, she'd probably be murdered or locked in the basement for the rest of her life. The brunette glanced from Five to the window to her feet and repeated that a couple more times before sighing deeply.

"Well?"

Gwen looked up from her hands, a conflicted look in her eyes. She stared at the boy for a moment, noticing the emerald orbs she hadn't paid much attention to before. She had to admit, they were a bit beautiful. Snapping out of her trance, she finally nodded.

"Fine. Fine, fine, fine," The brunette huffed, watching as the hazel eyes before her lit up. "I'll help you, Number Five."

"Perfect. Meet me at Griddy's Doughnuts at 11pm tonight. Don't be late," Five spoke in a serious manner, preparing to climb out of the window. "Rebel."

And with that, the boy disappeared into the alleyway before teleporting back to wherever that weirdo was going.


	4. WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS A BLANK?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five and Gwen go on an adventure at night :)

**GWEN**

**(------)**

**"NUMBER EIGHT,"** Dad snapped me out of my daze, causing me to jump a bit. "Were you listening to a word I said?"

"No, sorry. I had my 'tune Dad out' mindset on. You were saying?" I answered honestly. He wanted honesty, right? I would give him just that.

I guess Dad decided to ignore my comments today. "Why haven't you come down for breakfast like the rest of your siblings?" he questioned, narrowing his eyes in frustration.

"Because I'm not hungry. I ate earlier before you guys woke up," I explained nonchalantly, clapping my hands together once with an innocent grin.

"All right, make your way to the training room immediately," Dad instructed while turning away and putting his back to me. He did that often. Honestly, it made him weirder than the Umbrellas.

I frowned. "But breakfast just started.." I trailed miserably, putting on a pleading expression just in case he turned back around.

"You claimed you weren't hungry, so you shall train. I expect to see you there in 5 minutes, Number Eight, Dad spoke, turning my own words into an excuse to make me practice my powers. Conniving bastard!

"Yes, sir," I huffed, saluting him for no reason and definitely not out of respect and exiting my room, continuing down to the training room, mentally preparing for an incredibly dull and tiring few hours.

***TIME SKIP***

**(------)**

I exited the training room, exhausted as hell. Dad had me fight every single one of my siblings with my powers for three hours straight, with only one break. _One_ break. I swear he's trying to provoke me. It's like he _wants_ me to give him snappy retorts twenty-four seven. If I go along with the presumably new nickname Five gave me, I just might.

I raced up to my room and slammed my door, finally getting to be in the solitude I so desperately wanted. I pulled out yet another uniform since I was currently covered in sweat and blood got changed, grumbling curses under my breath as I. My siblings did _not_ go easy on me, but then again, I wasn't very nice either. The memories from mere minutes to hours ago flashed through my mind's eye at lightning speed: it wasn't pleasant.

After I showered and got dressed, someone knocked on my door. I stopped fiddling with my tie and stepped toward the door, praying to God that it wasn't Five. If it were, I'd punch him in the face. I swung it open as I heard the beginning of the second knock, revealing a slightly irritated Jayme, Sloane right behind her. I tilted my head in confusion before recalling the events where I stole their things.

Shit, I forgot.

"Er, come in," I muttered, opening the door wider and allowing the girls to walk inside. They complied and plopped onto my bed without invitation. _And I just made it for the first time ever_... "Look, I know why you two are here."

Sloane raised an inquisitive yet clearly sarcastic eyebrow. "Do you, now?"

"Yeah. Sloaney, I'm sorry. I couldn't help it; your brownies are great. And Jayme, I didn't smoke it. You can have your weed back. I swear I'll ask next time--" I explained quickly, wanting this confrontation to be over without any more complaints-

"Woah, that's what you think we're here for?" Jayme asked, looking up at me with a slightly shocked look on her face. Hm.

"No, Gwen. We're here because we heard what was going on in here earlier," Sloane chuckled, shaking her head in amusement. I glared at her. Eavesdropping, really below the belt for the two of them. "Did you really think we were here for something as petty as stealing?"

Jayme raised her hand a bit for emphasis, remarking, "I mean, to be honest, I would for that." Sloane and I snorted with slight humor at our sister.

"What do you mean, 'what happened earlier?' I didn't do anything besides kicking your ass in training today," I joked.

"Don't play dumb, Wendy," Sloane rolled her eyes. I grimaced at the nickname. "Who was the guy in your room this morning, your boyfriend?" Jayme's eyes widened, and she smacked Sloane's arm, who grumbled a "what?" in response.

My eyes widened as well, shaking my head furiously. My cheeks became extremely hot, and I choked on my words. "Hell no, that brat is most definitely _not_ my boyfriend. Ugh, it makes me want to puke thinking about it." It truly did.

"Then who was he?" asked Sloane, tilting her chin up expectantly, waiting for my answer. The problem was, I didn't know, to be completely honest. Two conversations weren't enough to put a label on the stupid brat unless you say he's a stalker. But, knowing Sloane, she'd probably kill him.

"I... I can't say. I'm 90% sure that Ben is eavesdropping from next door, so I'm not going to say anything. For now," I expounded, and both of my sisters sitting on my bed gave frowns, so I added hastily, "But I promise I will soon when it all makes sense in my own head."

Sloane shrugged and accepted my answer, but Jayme was still a bit suspicious. She reluctantly agreed, which made me sigh in relief. I went towards my dresser and pulled out the joint that I stole from her, walking back over and handing it to her. The brunette shook it off and pushed my hand away.

"Nah, it's all good. You can keep it. Just ask next time, yeah?" I nodded with a small smile.

The girls nodded and stood up, strolling towards the door. Jayme opened the door and walked away, but Sloane was hesitant to leave. Oh no.

What else did I do?

I stared at her as she turned around and started to speak, "Gwen. I love you, but you really need to stop stealing my brownies. I'll teach you how to make them if you want."

"Really? That'd be great."

My sister smiled softly at me and continued after Jayme, closing the door on her way out. I sighed deeply, collapsing onto my bed. If I was going to meet that weirdo Five at 11 pm, I needed sleep. And I needed a lot of it because I'm going to have to deal with him all night. I really hope he doesn't waste my time.

But then again, when _hasn't_ he wasted my time?

**GWEN**

**(------)**

I shot up with a gasp, my eye flying towards the clock. It read 10:30 pm, making me sigh in relief. I threw my legs over the side of my bed and slid towards my closet, lazily yanking out a black t-shirt and jeans, along with a black Arctic Monkeys hoodie that I got a while back. What can I say? I like the band. They're amazing. I slipped into the outfit and pulled out my black sneakers, sliding my feet into those as well. I grabbed my walkman and my knife out of my nightstand before stepping towards my window. I slowly slid it open, wincing when it squeaked halfway up. I carefully climbed onto the fire escape, turning and closing my window. I left it open a crack, in case I couldn't get back inside.

I climbed down the fire escape as quietly as possible, hopping down and walking down the alleyway. Thankfully, Dad didn't put cameras here, or else I'd get caught every time I tried to sneak to the store. I walked quickly, knowing that walking around New York at this time of night isn't the smartest thing to do. As I walked down the dark, empty streets, I thought about what I had agreed to earlier today. Why the hell did I agree to help Five's family, when I don't even care about them? And why am I walking around at 10 pm at night to meet a guy that I just met? None of this made sense to me.

I made it to Griddy's at 10:55 pm, stepping into the warm atmosphere. The strong smell of coffee hit my nostrils the moment I opened the door, the bell above it jingling, announcing that a customer had walked in. I looked around for the boy that I was meeting, my eyes landing on a navy uniform and green eyes. I strolled over and sat down across from him at the booth he was seated in, giving him a small wave.

"You're earlier than expected," Five broke the silence, checking his watch. He looked a bit impressed. "I honestly thought you were going to stand me up."

I let out a short, breathy laugh. "I almost did by accident."

"How do you stand someone up by accident?" Five questioned, curiosity and amusement taking over his usual blank expression.

"By falling asleep. Did you order anything?"

"No, I just got here."

I nodded. "So, why did you ask to meet here?"

"Would you rather me be in your room?"

"A bit of a bold question, Five. Do _you_ want to be in my room?"

The boy widened his eyes and shook his head, his face turning pink again. I bit back my laugh as he averted his gaze to the table. Huh, who knew I could do that twice in two days? He started to splutter, his words not coming out. "I- Er, no."

"I'm fucking with you," I chuckled. "What are we doing here?"

"Nothing, this was just the meeting point," Five replied, slowly turning back to his normal color. He slid out of his seat and started walking away without warning, causing me to scramble after him in confusion. "We're going to a warehouse."

"Um, why?"

He didn't answer, instead just curled his fingers around my wrist. Before I could protest, he sent me tumbling through space and time alongside him. It made my stomach churn as if whatever was happening was twisting my insides and flipping them upside down at the same time. When my feet planted onto the ground of wherever we were at, I snatched my arm away and swallowed the bile in my throat. I panted slightly, trying to shake the feeling off.

I finally looked up at him. He stood there with his hands on his hips, staring imperviously. "You couldn't have given me a warning?"

"Nope."

"I'm really starting to hate you, Five," I glared as he smirked at me.

"Yeah?" He raised an eyebrow. "Well, I don't care."

"I don't expect you to. Why are we here?"

The boy disappeared instead of answering, avoiding the question as he did earlier. And, he just left me here. The asshole just left me here. I guess this is what I get for actually trying to make a deal with the enemy. I sighed and looked at my surroundings, staring at the empty warehouse in boredom. I sat down onto the floor with my legs crossed and pulled out my walkman. If I was going to be stranded here, I might as well have music be my company. As if my walkman knew how I was feeling, it started to play Riot by Hollywood Undead. I tapped my fingers to the beat, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

As the song changed to Killer Queen by Queen, I felt something wrap around my neck. I yelped slightly and snapped my eyes open, reaching behind myself and latching onto whoever was choking me. I dug my nails into their arms and used all of the strength I had to flip them over, watching as the figure flew over my head and tumbled to the ground before me. The action hurt my arms immensely since I'm still very sore from training earlier this afternoon. The person grunted as they slammed down, so I took my chance and launched myself at them, flipping the person onto their stomach and twisting their arm behind their back.

"Who the fuck are you and why are you trying to kill me?" I interrogated the person below me, my eyes wide with astonishment and focus. When they didn't answer, I pulled on their arm roughly, causing them to grunt and writhe around. "I asked you a question!"

I heard a small laugh come out of them, but that wasn't why I was pissed. When I heard, "you're a decent fighter, Gwen. I guess I can check that off the list." I almost flipped out.

"Five," I growled angrily. "What the fuck?" I yanked on his arm harder, causing him to groan again.

"Hey, watch it, you're gonna break my arm."

"Give me one reason not to. You tried to kill me!"

"It was a test. Now, get off me," Five pushed himself up with his left arm and threw me off, his hand shooting up to his right shoulder. He sat in front of me, a smirk on his face.

"What kind of test? To see if I'll survive attempted murder?"

"No, to see if you would use your powers. So, you're either an idiot or a blank."

I was going to yell at him for calling me an idiot, but I paused. "What in God's name is a 'blank'?"

"A person with no powers. That's you."

"I'm not a blank, Five. I don't need powers to kick your ass. And I am most definitely not an idiot because if I was, I'd be dead right now."

"You'd be dead regardless," The brunet corrected. "That is if I was actually trying to kill you."

I rolled my eyes and stood up, swiping up my walkman as I did so, walking away from the boy on the ground. I heard Five shuffling to his feet and following me, but I didn't care anymore. Trying to ignore his presence, I sped out of the warehouse to find myself in the outskirts of the city, making me groan. I turned to the dark-haired man-child beside me and glared intensely. He shrugged and stared back, another smirk creeping onto his face.

I took the time to analyze his features. I noticed that he had dimples and a mole inside of one of them. His eyes shone like green gems in the moonlight, and his jawline-- what? What the fuck am I talking about? I should be angry at this little bastard, not staring at him. I huffed and broke our eye contact, staring at the store I didn't recognize across the street. I felt his eyes on me for another moment before he sighed as well. This caught my attention.

"Come on," Five murmured, nodding his head toward the street behind him. This time, he didn't just stalk off like the brat he is. He stood and waited for me to agree, which is very unlike the Five that I was just speaking to a couple minutes ago. "Let's go."

I reluctantly agreed, knowing that he was my only way home. I wasn't about to walk-- God knows how far when I can just play along and get Five to take me back to Griddy's. I wasn't about to let him back inside the academy. "Where?"

"To meet my family."


	5. FUCK YOU TOO, APEMAN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen formerly meets the Umbrella Academy :)

**GWEN**

**(------)**

**BEFORE I** could protest and say no, Five placed his hand on my shoulder, teleporting us to wherever his family was. Without warning. _Again_. When we landed, I whipped my head toward the old teenager I have grown to dislike, swinging my arm straight at his face. My hand collided with Five's face, a satisfying slap echoing throughout the room. He cried out in pain, glaring at me with intense fury. I could feel a smirk forming on my face.

"And what exactly was that for?" he hissed angrily, cradling the side of his face where my hand had collided with it.

I glared back just as diligently, pointing my finger in his face. "You know _exactly_ what that was for, jackass. You tried to kill me!" I shouted furiously, narrowing my eyes at Five as he smacked my hand away.

"No, I didn't--" he began, seeming to come up with a whole explanation in his mind in a second, the way he was looking at me.

"Okay, what is happening here?" A familiar voice interrupted us, just as the Five was about to explain. I turned to see who was speaking, my eyes lying on Rihanna.

The sad girl from yesterday spoke up as well, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion but eyes wide with inquisitiveness. "Five, who is this?"

"This is Gwendolyn from the Sparrow Academy," Five informed, giving me a side glare, which I ever so happily returned. "As you just saw, she's an asshole."

"That's rich coming from you. And it's Gwen, you ass," I scoffed, crossing my arms frustratedly. The brat wanted me to help him, and he couldn't even get my name right...

Five turned his head to me, glaring at me once more before snapping, "You're fucking joking, right--"

Dora cut him off before an argument could startup. "Why is she here?" he asked, glancing at me with a suspicious look in his eye.

I decided to answer that question, despite that I was annoyed and agitated. "I didn't really have a choice. Your stalker of a brother has been trying to kill me all night. Then he brought me here against my free will."

"For the last time, Gwen," Five sighed, burying his face in his hands and rubbing it exasperatedly. "I didn't try to kill you. It--"

"Hold on," the 1960s Jesus interjected, eyebrows raised curiously. "'Stalker'?" he asked, seeming more curious than inquisitive.

"Did you just skip over the part where Five tried to kill her?" The apeman frowned at his brother.

Five scoffed noisily. "I didn't! It was a _test_." He looked at me as he finished his sentence, his eyes filled with irritation.

"An unnecessary one! You could've just said, 'oh, hey, Gwen! You mind telling me what your powers are now?' Not fucking choke me! That's not--" I started loudly, but I was interrupted yet again by one of Five's siblings.

It was the 1960's Jesus. "Okay, but how exactly did he choke you? Did he use his hands, or--"

"That's irrelevant." Dora shut his brother down, rolling his eyes and walking away from the scene slowly.

I just shook my head, looking at Five again. He was glaring at his siblings as if they'd ruined something. I rolled my eyes and walked past him towards the door. "I'm out. I didn't sign up for this bullshit," I called over my shoulder, doing my best to escape the whole ordeal, but-

Five caught my elbow and pulled me back. "Can you just cooperate? Or is that impossible for you?" he inquired somberly.

"Can _you_ stop forcing me to do things I don't want to do? Or is that impossible for you? Consent is a thing, Five," I muttered, eyeing him up and down for some sort of emphasis.

My retort caused an uproar, his siblings going berserk and yelling things I couldn't comprehend. Five got distracted and started yelling at them, saying that he didn't do anything. I slipped out of the boy's grip and took a deep breath, closing my eyes and digging deep inside of myself. I channeled all of my pent-up emotions and focused them on the noise. I felt the buzzing feeling again, letting it travel into my hands, closing them into fists. I opened my eyes and stared down at the green light appearing from my hands. I placed them together and thought about getting the group to quiet down.

When I opened them, a green whistle was sitting there, causing me to grin proudly. Looking up at the siblings still yelling, I put the whistle to my lips and blew into it as hard as possible. The loud sound startled everyone, and they stopped arguing to stare at me-- some in disbelief, some in annoyance.

"We are getting _way_ off topic here. I admit that's partially my fault." I fiddled with the whistle in my hands awkwardly, then added, "But can we please get this over with? I don't really want to be here, and it's obvious that you guys don't want me here either."

"No, it's not that." The sad girl tried to sugar coat it. "It's just..."

"We don't know you," Dora finished, taking out one of his silver blades and flipping it into the air. It confused me, but I didn't think anything of it.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. I'm just here to help you guys get back to your timeline. So, what's the plan?" Everyone turned to look at Five, who turned to look at me. I cocked an eyebrow, wondering why he faced my direction instead of telling everybody what the plan was.

"Did your Dad ever mention having a mom?"

"No, Dad's a secretive prick."

Dora snorted. "That's an understatement." His comment was ignored.

"Did he ever say anything about the timeline, ever?"

"Same answer," I sighed. "But you could find out by sneaking into the academy and finding out yourself. He has a few hiding places that I know of."

"Ooh, a treasure hunt," The 1960s Jesus voiced. "I like it. Who's on this mission?"

"Us," Five answered his brother, pointing between him and me.

"Bonus! The lovebirds get alone time, and they figure out how to get us home!"

My eyes had never gotten so wide in my life. "Um, lovebirds? I hate this bastard."

"Before you guys start arguing again, where did you get that whistle?" Apeman questioned as Five glared at me.

"I created it. Look," I crushed the whistle in my hand, causing it to revert back to the green energy that was used to form it. I looked at Five and sneered, "See? Not a blank, dickwad."

The entire room went silent, staring in confusion and awe. The 1960s Jesus leaped out of his seat on the couch and strolled over to take a closer look, and I turned the energy into a green rose. Everyone watched as it bloomed before I caused it to shrivel up and turn back into energy. It slowly seeped back into my body, and everyone snapped out of their trance.

"That's so... cool," Dora muttered his knife at his side now.

"Your powers are similar to Vanya's," Five whispered, still staring at my hands, even though the energy was gone.

"Question," I announced. "Who's Vanya, and what powers do they have?"

The sad girl raised her hand and stepped a bit closer. "I am, and I can manipulate sound waves."

"Really? There's a theory that I could combine my powers with yours, it'd be fucking awesome."

"Maybe we could test that theory in the future," Vanya smiled. I nodded eagerly, a smile forming on my face as well. "Guys, why don't you introduce yourselves to Gwen? I'm sure she'd like to know about us."

"Me first! I'm Klaus," The 1960s Jesus stated happily, sticking his hand out for me to shake. I complied. "I can commune and conjure the dead."

Rihanna piped up next. "I'm Allison, and I can manipulate reality by saying 'I heard a rumor'."

"Diego," Dora said briefly. "I can curve objects that I throw."

I nodded. "So, that's why you have a fuck ton of knives." I turned to the apeman, who shook his head.

"Nope. The last time I introduced myself to someone, I almost got shot in the face."

"Do you see a gun on me?"

"No, but I still don't trust you."

I snorted. "Fuck you, too, Apeman." His face turned red and he lurched for me, but Dora-- I mean, Diego-- held him back.

"His name's Luther," Allison said. "He has super strength."

"Well, now that this is done, I'm going to go home."

"What? But we just met you," Klaus whined.

"Dad would get suspicious if I didn't come home. I don't need history to repeat itself."

Five spoke for the first time in a while, his brows furrowed. "What?"

"Nothing. Bye," I saluted the Umbrella Academy, making my way towards the door for the second time tonight. This time, no one objected. So, I pulled the door open and exited.

As I was walking down the hall towards the elevator, I couldn't help but realize that the door didn't close behind me. I turned around to find Five walking in my direction. I stared with a blank expression as he made his way over to me, stopping a couple feet away to make sure I wouldn't murder him. I was thinking about it, but it would take too much work. But maybe I was willing to put that work in. _Maybe_.

"Uh," Five cleared his throat uncomfortably. I could tell whatever was happening made him nervous. "Do you want me to take you home?"

I let out a small laugh. "I don't think that's a great idea, considering I slapped you the last time I teleported with you."

"I'll... give you a warning this time. We're way too far from the academy for you to walk. It'd take hours."

I was about to accept his offer, but then I realized: this isn't Five at all. The Five I know-- even if I barely know him-- never gets nervous, and he never really overs help without getting something in return. So, why is he offering me this? What is he getting in return? Is this his way of saying sorry? No, it can't be. Five never apologizes, I've learned that very quickly.

"Five," I queried. "Why are you offering to take me home?"

"I just think that the academy is too far to walk all the way there. Your dad would find out," The boy answered. As much as I hate to admit it, the brat was right. There was no way I'd make it in time for Dad to believe that I'd been there all night.

"Why do you keep saying 'your dad'? Isn't he technically yours, too?"

"After everything I've been through, he doesn't deserve that title. Gwen, do you want me to take you home or not?"

I sighed and nodded, knowing that he's had a long night. Probably a long day, too. I offered him my arm and he took it, nodding at me and letting me know that we were going to leave. After a few seconds and a few stomach twists, we landed in my room. I glanced at the clock and it read 2:45 am. I looked back at Five, who let go of my arm, and I waved at him. He nodded back, before disappearing in a flash of blue.

Maybe Five isn't as much of an asshole as he acts.


End file.
